New phone, new frustrations

I have a new phone! YAY!

Folks tend to get really excited for me when I say that. It is the first time I have said that. I on the other hand have little interest in fancy phones. I still maintain that a telephone should remain just that, a telephone. I started to lament on facebook and realised that my friends are all fancy phone fans. And so here I am in my space, whining.

Hubby loves his technology so he quickly unpacked the phone and did all the work that was needed to switch me over to the new one. I didn't have a chance to say good-bye to the old phone. Just like that the old one was made redundant. I was a bit upset about that. I wanted to figure this one out for myself and have only the basics installed. But it has a dozen or so apps.

I have now had it for almost two days and I have added most of my contacts. It is not a long list, but this phone is some Google based thingy and I can access all my contacts on gmail through the phone. How crazy creepy is that?

Anyhow I started to add contacts and then wanted to delete/edit and kept dialing their numbers instead. So I decided to be all tech savvy and do an internet search for a user manual and imagine my frustration when I find page after page of how cool the apps are and all that you could do with the phone EXCEPT make a fucking phone call! Now don't get me wrong, I have warmed up to the texting and I find it useful to be able to be in touch on my terms. I am not (at least not yet) compelled to respond right away and most of the time it is 24 hours before I respond. And the folks I am in touch with understand that and will call me if it is a matter of life and death, because that is what you do when something is a matter of life and death - call the person and bloody speak to them!

Today as I sit here with my coffee at eight o'clock on a Saturday morning trying to register my kid for swimming lessons (and the website won't load and the phone lines are jammed) I just want to go back in time to rotary phones. No missed calls, no voice mail, no face on the other end, just a voice. You either spoke to them when they called or never knew they did. There is something to be said for those times. Communication was precious.

Now here's hoping I don't disappear again until the next phone I will have to buy. I have to don't I? These phones, as fancy as they are aren't as hardy.

Happy weekend folks. 

Social suicide? Nah!

I, like most people I know, got sucked into the whole Facebook and social media business. I connected with people I thought were gone for good from my life. It was great, for a while. 

Last week I had a brief tryst with fate and while laid up in bed in pain, scratching myself and drowning in diuretics I realized that a lot of the noise in my head had to do with Facebook. I am not yet a total bitter old bitch, but I am getting there and some people's comments and their opinions were getting to me. 

I contemplated culling my list; then I considered what my bosom bud has done, create an alternative profile for close friends, but it felt like too much of an effort. I thought about who it is I would miss if Facebook crashed one day, my list of friends boiled down to two people!!! Both of them write me, Skype with me on a regular basis. As for family, I couldn't lose them if I tried. So I deactivated my account. I am amazed at how much time I have and how quiet and settled my thoughts are. 

I am the sort of person who cannot ignore or overlook other people's troubles. I take it to heart and then my brain processes it. I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about these people and they don't even know about it. So I decided to let it go. I am glad I did.

I have exchanged nice long emails with one of my friends since and have a Skype date for tonight with another. I also have plenty of time to get a lot of other things done. If I have committed social suicide by getting out of Facebook it just might be the best thing I ever did, for myself.

So much for choice

I've lost count of how often I've been told that I always have a choice. It does help to remind myself of that when I have to come to terms with a lousy situation I find myself in. Then again there are times when I feel 'choice' is one of my major issues these days. I am not philosophizing about life here, but speaking about choice of commercial products.

I miss the days when all I had to choose from was SR and Signal toothpaste. I liked the red and white stripes of Signal, but SR tasted better. I settled for the former because that was what we had at home and I vaguely remember a conversation about Signal being better. You just brushed your teeth and it was all good. When it came to soap, I think there was much more variety, but most people just bought Lux, including my family, because it was choice of beauty queens, or something like that. Now, if I said I use Sensodyne (because I am aging and brushed until my gums deteriorated, because I was told to back in the day when Signal was the big shot toothpaste) it would not be adequate. There are so many kinds of Sensodyne, and it is only one of a dozen brands, each with its own special kinds. The mind boggles.

The reason I am talking about this is because a while ago I was thoroughly frustrated shopping for some feminine hygiene product (that is what the aisle is labelled, the entire aisle dedicated to tampons and sanitary napkins). I had walked up and down the aisle for nearly half an hour, and that is no exaggeration. There was ultra thin, with wings, without wings, regular, overnight, maxi...my head hurt from trying to decide what I needed. It all ultimately boils down to what we need, right? Why then is it so bloody hard? And why would I, in my ripe-old age be there not knowing what I need?! Because, they keep changing packaging and labeling on me, those bloody morons. I just wanted to walk away, but how could I, I needed the product, but didn't know which one to buy. I could ask a friend, but her needs would be different from mine, which is why we have such an array, right?

Lets face it. I am very picky and particular. So if the manufacturers stayed consistent then life would be a wee bit easier. I did buy something and I did not like it one bit but used it anyway because there is no alternate use for it (or is there?).  Now I have to go back and begin my monthly exercise routine walking up and down the aisle in my search for the next best sanitary napkin.

Oh the life of a consumerist in materialistic North America!

Heavy weight blessings

Store bought indoor crocus 

Yesterday as I pulled into our driveway I notice the mulch on my teeny flowerbed in the front of the house looked like it had been disturbed. So I knelt down to check and guess what? It was Little Miss Crocus peeping out of the dark and into the light!! But today it is all buried under snow!

I want to bitch and moan about the weather. We can't go from 5 degrees to -13. Come on, it is supposed to be Spring, enough already. But you know what, sitting here typing this up and looking out the window just reminds me it is time to weigh my blessings. So here we go:
     I have a warm and safe home to complain about the weather
     My loved ones are all safe and healthy
     There is food in the house
     I have a job that pays (not as much as I'd like, but it pays)
     I don't have to worry about nuclear radiation
     I still have all those pretty flowers to look forward to
     There is promise of warm days ahead and plenty of sunshine
     And my brand new steam mop arrived yesterday (what more could a girl ask for?)
Those are mighty heavy blessings. And on that note, let me go seize the day, and you have a good one too!     

Back and forth

Have you seen this video?



To me the news of late sounds a bit like Grover. Look at Japan, now back at Libya, back at Japan, now back at Gaddafi...

I want to retreat into my fictitious world where there is peace and everyone love's everybody else. It is proving a lot harder today than usual.

Japan versus Haiti

Besides the news on raising nuclear alert levels following the earthquake and tsunami in Japan last week, the other bit of news that seems to be taking center stage is how Japan is receiving far less in aids/funds compared to Haiti. Really now people! How naive do you have to be to be comparing the two nations? Haiti is the consequence of exploitative neo-liberal bullshit propagated by industrialized nations working to increase profit margins. Japan is the epitome of self reliance and sustainability. It is considered a future super power.

What also has been bothering me is the fact that around 3,500 people are dead from cholera in Haiti. I distinctly remember reading that cholera was spread by UN relief workers who arrived in Haiti from Nepal following the earthquake in Port-au-Prince. But I can't seem to locate the article now. The forecast for Haiti is grim. Researchers are predicting a death toll as high as 10,000 by November this year. The numbers are ironically similar to what is coming out of Japan.

One of the things that always upset me during days as a news person was how news is all about viewer/readership. News organisations are corporations too. News of nuclear radiation (and threats of it reaching as far as the US West Coast) will help hike the price of air time/page space way more than news of damage and destruction from the tsunami. Death tolls and damage is already  'old' news. In a world like this what chance does a country like Haiti stand?

I am not belittling what has happened in Japan. In fact I want to know how the relief/rescue efforts are going? I want to know more about how people can contact their loved ones in the afflicted parts. How are the people faring? Is nuclear radiation the only threat? Are they safe from the cold weather that has hit Japan?

All of this also makes me wonder if it is because the audience, which is you and me, want this kind of sensational, depressing news. Would we listen/read more if the news was more positive? This whole Haiti/Japan business has been bothering me for a few days now. I don't feel better for having gotten it off my chest. But writing about it will probably help me get through the rest of the day. I will be back to pondering this later today much to the annoyance of my Hubby.

Cricket - an acquired taste

Gartmore Estate, Maskeliya, Sri Lanka

Cricket has always been a part of my life, just like black tea. While I have grown to appreciate tea for its flavour, scent and taste, I can’t say I feel the same way about cricket. But the world cup this year has me feeling all nostalgic. I miss the excitement of a whole nation going bonkers about a game that takes an entire day from start to finish. I kind of prefer the thrill of rugby and soccer where you get to see more action in a shorter span of time.

But this year there is a lot of cricket talk going on in the world of social networking which, as far as I am concerned is limited to facebook. And all this cricket talk has me following the matches. All my cricket crazy cousins, new friends and old ones are commenting on teams and players and every now then talking about lousy rain forcing players off the field. I just bookmarked the ICC World Cup website. I can’t help it.

That'll do for a pitch

For people who know me well this may sound funny because there was a time when you had to pay me to follow a match, literally. I would only ever do it for money and even then I never got it right. I never understood when a match was won by runs and when it was won by wickets. But I get it now, all these years later and when it really doesn’t matter whether I follow a match or not. Sounds like I have acquired a taste for it after all.

The next generation of cricketers

Topsy turvy

Humans have caused damage of every kind to this planet and to every species that lives on it including ourselves. We are terrible at living in harmony with the environment. I think about this all the time, but seeing news of a tiger killing a lion really made me want to say it out loud.

In the wild I am quite sure a lion would beat a tiger or kill it in a fight. I am not exactly sure if it would let a wounded tiger go. I am also not sure if these cats eat one another's kill. What I mean by that is would a lion eat a tiger? Must go off and find out.

But this story is about a tiger getting through a break in the fence and killing a lion in the next pen in a Turkish zoo. Apparently it went for the lion's jugular! What would make a tiger want to do that? Would it be the frustration of being caged? I want to know more about how these cats interacted before the killing. I am sure some folks are thinking, "yeah right, whatever woman, get a life. There are bigger issues to worry about." But I think when species that only kill for food or mates (and perhaps a pride in the case of lions) just randomly kills another we must be concerned. It has something to do with what we are doing as humans.

I have always loved visiting zoos. But I have lost interest lately. The older I get the harder it is for me to see animals caged. Zoos do have their place on this planet, they help rehabilitate, protect endangered species, etc. But even that doesn't seem necessary. If an animal is endangered there is a reason behind it. If dinosaurs existed today the planet would be a very different place. All this protecting of species I am sure has someone (frightfully crazy) thinking about how humans could be 'protected' beyond all odds, to come back and wreak havoc over and over again!

2011...blogging prospects

I intended to post at least once a month in 2010, but it never happened. Although I have 19 posts in total it really doesn't count. So I have to just see how I go this year. I am sort of bracing myself for a lot this year, but it should be bearable with friends visiting from afar and hopefully my crocus bulbs bringing the first burst of colour (if the darned squirrels haven't already go to them).

I should have more to come in the next week, there is at least one story that is worth sharing with kindred spirits, but I may just crash on the couch rather than write at a computer. Hmmm...

Here's wishing anyone who stops by a beautiful year blessed with good health and happiness. It's what we really need to have everything else fall into place.

Catching up to the past

Facebook has been good and bad in terms of revisiting old times. I have got in touch with loads of old school mates. My number of friends has shot up from somewhere around thirty to over one hundred. The trouble is that I would not classify everyone on my list of friends as 'friends'. Some may misunderstand this. Not that I do not like them, but they are not friends. Do you know what I am saying? They are acquaintances, people we meet on the way to some place in life and I believe we are supposed to leave them where we met them. But now we lug them around on Facebook and suddenly we owe them an explanation on every thing from photographs to random status updates (then again why do status updates? I'll save that for another time).

I have got in touch with people I knew from a very long time ago. It is nice that they remember my crazy ways, my likes, dislikes, capabilities etc., but I cannot for the life of me place their names or faces. They seem to know too much to be pretending. And then there are others I simply do not want in my life anymore. But how do you say it? How do you remove people from your list of friends and not upset them, especially those you are likely to see on a regular basis.

I am contemplating deleting my profile, but then again I will miss out on keeping in touch with my dearest friends and sharing stories about children and families with those that I want to. There was a time I could 'hide' and select my friends, but now they are able to 'find' me. I have deleted and blocked people, but its all getting to be a bit much. It seems like too much hassle. Should I stay or should I go? I knew the bloody internet would some day be the bane of my existence.

Its 2010!!

I know we are well into the new year, but the last couple of weeks I have sort of been living in the past. I have stalked all my old friends on Facebook, listened to music from the nineties and thought of what might have been if I had done one thing over another.

Anyways...I just got home and was making myself a cup of coffee when I heard Des'ree on the radio. That song takes me to the mid nineties. So I was going about my business getting my coffee, thinking of dinner when it hit me that we are way past the mid-two thousand(?). We are into the second decade of the new millennium??!! And I had to Google the word to make sure I was saying the right thing.

2010 was supposed to be when robots ruled the world and we were flying around in space cars. But instead we are still walking, driving crappy cars and making our own coffee...where is my robot?!!

The sure cure

Its been a long winter...autumn arrived early, the trees lost their leaves without their usual show of colours. Things are different with a baby around, we don't get out as much as we used to, just because bundling up the little guy seems a sin.

I got to thinking about how I could make this bearable for myself, I mean the long miserable winter with no significant snowfall for excitement and being confined indoors so much of the time...flowers!! They always perk me up. But trying so hard to be the good housewife means I often knock it off the shopping list as a luxury. But nah uh! I realise they get my spirits up better than any darned spirit out there. So after a considerable amount of time spent over which bunch I picked up these beautiful yellow tulips.

I love how the simplest things in life are the ones that make you smile...from the bottom of your heart.

Nostalgia

There is much in life that can take you back in time...a smell of some sort, like a specific perfume. I know one brand of perfume that reminds me of my mother when I was around seven years old.

Music does the same, doesn't it? I was cleaning my desk (happens every once in a blue moon, or when things get totally out of control) and wanted to take myself to some place less complicated and I got good old you tube to take me back in time, to my first real job. My best friend and I would listen to Breakfast at Tiffany's when it played on the radio, we would be at work ridiculously early, and often we didn't work, but listened to music and I am not sure what else we did?! I don't know if she really liked it, but I loved it, for no apparent reason. Listening to it now just took me away from the complications life brings with time, it took me to a time of hope and dreams...oh to be young and dreaming of great things, things I know now I will never do.

So while I was at it, I also listened to That thing you do, I got to listening to this at a different time in my life. My friends would be dismayed to learn I can still listen to it over and over again. It also brings back fond memories of people that introduced me to a whole different me!

What I think really makes these songs special is not just the music, but the people I associate them with.

These are my happy songs. I am so glad I have them!

My Narnia

It has been cold, so cold that no amount of layers could keep it out. It was so cold that the heating in the house seemed ineffective some days. I was starting to wonder if we would have The Day After Tomorrow kind of situation. I would of course be among to first to die.

It was because of this that when I felt the cool breeze while waiting for my train I drifted off. It was a cool breeze, almost like a summer breeze (it was just the train, but it got me thinking)...what if the platform started to disappear like it did in Prince Caspian and I was transported to a Narnia of my own?

I wondered what it would be like...not Narnia, but another life...would I be married, would I have children, would I be trudging through ice and snow to get to and from work, would I be bungee jumping, rock climbing, riding horses or filming fabulous documentaries in the Galapagos islands? Would I be sunbathing on a sunny beach some place? Would I have the same people I share my life with now in this other life? Or would there be other people? What would they be like?...

It would be nice to live that other life and come back and carry on this life with memories from the other. I might appreciate what I have more...or not!

The train arrived and I got on and got back to reading...the effect of neo-liberalism on the welfare state...

When I got out of the station the cold wind hit me...reality!

The Moment

There are times when you do something or go some place on the spur of the moment and it works out. You enjoy yourself but don't realise it at the time. And you try so hard to recreate that moment in vain. Everyone has those moments.

Hubby and I have always enjoyed movies on Friday nights with some junkfood. We did it until the night I went into labour. It feels like its been ages, although it has only been around seven months since we got to do that. I am sure we will again...someday.

I'll get to the point of this story. Last week, after a bath and feed my precious offspring made his brief trip (its never an all night event, at least not yet) to dreamland. I slowly brought my sore self downstairs to get a cup of tea only to find Hubby at his computer watching a ridiculous Will Ferrell movie.

I hate Will Ferrell. His movies are lousy, I hate his sense of humour and here he was fighting off a dinosaur smarter than him. I was annoyed. Then I got interested, Ferrell's character reminded me of a man I work with, "I am Dr. Whatever...I know more about dinosaurs..." I wanted to see if he would get eaten by the animal. I hoped he would and never act in another film, ever.

So I popped some corn, dragged a chair and sat beside Hubby. We watched the whole damn movie and had a few laughs and went to bed with smiles on our faces. We have been trying to do the same thing again, but I know we never will, because that was a 'moment' and it will not happen again. So it must be cherished *sigh*.

p.s. - Ferrell was eaten by the dinosaur and pooped out. He lived. I still hate him.

A day out and another and another...

When we were expecting our baby, both Hubby and I were thrilled. We talked about all that we could do with "it". But we were not prepared for what an infant had to offer. It might pay to be a pessimist and expect a colicky, constipated, clingy baby. But then again it might take the fun out of being pregnant and all that dreaming you do of fun days while on maternity leave. My fun days includ ewalks to the mall in my efforts to keep the little fellow entertained. I tried walking in the park, but apparently he does not fancy watching birds and trees (I am guessing its all one big blur to him right now) instead he likes to watch people or anything that moves constantly and is filled with colour.

These walks have been very educational, to me ofcourse. I have never been much of a shopper. I still rely heavily on Hubby, Mom or whooever is willing to assist in buying clothes, I mean real clothes. I can handle my jeans and t-shirt shopping. But serious work, lady like clothes are an issue with me. The point of this is that almost all shops have signs about specials. At least three shops I have seen have signs that say "Only Today - 25% off" or whatever percentage off. But if everyday is "today" then I don't have to rush and buy the stuff. The other thing I am learning is that it is not too hard to take that credit card out and buy stuff. Like yesterday, when I bought myself a pair of shoes. It was thrilled. I walked out of the shop with the biggest grin, with a sleeping baby in the stroller. Why shouldn't I grin at everyone around me!! I can see why some people are addicted to shopping. All this is stuff I would never have learned without my baby boy.

He's sleeping right now. Not much time left, so I must down that cup of coffee and see if I can get some stuff done.

Change

People kept telling me that life will change with a baby. I expected it to, perhaps not to the extent that it has, but I did. What I did not expect was to see the changes in me, I am not referring to being fat or going bald but to who I am, the essence of my being, if I may call it that. I have a wise friend who constantly spoke of 'priorities', I must tell him that he was right. There are days when I have completely forgotten to pee, that's right, forgotten (or maybe those stretch receptors in my bladder died with child birth). Bottomline, life has changed. And its pretty much almost always about the baby.

What else has changed is the attitude of people. Its almost like my husband and I have earned our membership in this club that makes it alright to talk about other women's breasts and genitals and your own. They are not sexual organs anymore, they are "a portal of entry or exit (whichever you prefer) and organs of sustenance". We have been accepted by relatives who would not visit us for we live 30 bloody minutes away from them (that is a f@#*ing long drive for some), but now I am told, "let us know if you need anything, its just a thirty minute drive". Oh really! Sure, will do.

Being married, not living together or being in a long term relationship, but being married means you must have children. That seems to be universal. If you choose not to you are pretty much an outcast. We took our time with this baby, but the five years from marriage to the birth of this child was a constant barrage of "so, when are you guys have a kid". I bet there were speculations of my being a lesbian (what with a wardrobe that consisted of nothing but jeans and shirts) or my husband being homosexual. Ah well, we have proven that we are both fertile. As for our sexuality, well if the ignorant associate homosexuality to infertility, its really their problem.

I am sure life and people around us will keep changing as our baby grows...and so will I. Sitting here typing this means my son has decided he will leave me be for an hour (if I am lucky). Here's hoping he will let me keep up with this blog business.

Stepping stones

If failures are stepping stones to success, I should be able to build myself a staircase with the road tests I fail. So I failed the bloody road test again. I wouldn't have passed me if I were the examiner. I made the three point turn, perfect turn, only I drove on the wrong side of the road! 

Violets

My African violets. These are two of my favourites. I discovered my green thumb when I attempted to propagate a deep purple violet. I was very excited that I was actually able to grow new plants, so excited that I ended up with dozens of new plants, which I then started to give away for lack of space in the then tiny apartment. It felt good to be giving away plants, especially to veteran gardenerrs.

Then I looked around one day and saw that I had very few plants left and what I had were doing badly. My deep purple one was completely gone, not one left. I lost the pink one too. I love the white one, and I was really upset to see it doing badly. I took a leaf cutting and hoped it would grow new plants. Six months later it had three baby plants, which now sit in three pots, all with flowers. The white with purple borders was a gift, also one that I had and lost altogether. So once again happy to have that. My pink double petal one has a bud on it. I am waiting for it to blossom. Never fancied myself a gardener one, but I guess I am, at some level.

And outside the house my daffodils are making an appearance, bringing hope of warmer days and letting me know that I am their gardener.

And so I 'weight'

For the longest time I weighed no more than 51 kilos. The most I had weighed was 52 kilos. But growing a baby goes hand in hand with gaining weight. I wondered if I would because, there was a time when, no matter how much I ate, I simply could not gain weight. I always ate what I wanted and stayed the same weight, so much so that I had a pair of jeans from my high school days that fit me perfectly until I got pregnant (it is in tatters). But, I did gain weight and now weigh over 65 kilos!!!

I was surprised at how steadily I gained weight, and unlike before when the weight was distributed to regions not easily noticed by anyone but me, now it is all over. I shed my baby around three months ago, but the "baby weight" is still sticking around. Nursing my little man means I can't go on a diet, but simply cannot imagine doing that either, because I have never ever been on a diet. 

Anyhow, wondering how you go about shedding all this extra weight while eating sensibly, etc., has helped me better understand my friends who struggle with weight issues. It isn't easy, especially when people visit you with chocolate fudge cake, which, hubby can't eat because he is on a diet and can stay on it. And you simply cannot let a good cake go to waste, so...I managed to get a picture of thew last piece of the cake before devouring it. Ah well, as I always say, life is short, so...